Sunday, April 5, 2009

There's still Hope...

I would wake up 9 in the morning and take up 2 tablets of medicine just to sustain my "fragile life" and the moment I swallow the 2 "bitter pills", I wonder-is there any hope left for me?.

Before a spot was discovered inside my left lung, I was a desperate jobseeker trying my chances of enormous yet elusive oppurtunities inside the buildings at ayala avenue. I got my chances when I was hired in a call center company and unfortunately they forgot to call me back. I was almost losing hope when an IT company called me and trained me as a Java Progammer. It was a "seesaw" sitauation-I, myself and even the company wasn't sure if the job oppurtunity is securely in hand. After almost 4 months and I guess hundreds of decisions made, my dreams were in front of me when disaster striked.

The doctor's words were like curse penetrating my bones-I have a spot inside my lung or I call it "pre-TB", and I have to take medications for 6 long devastating months. I was frustrated, many times I would question God and wait for His answers but I just found myself sobbing or sometimes tears would fall from my eyes. All the emotions were circling inside me-I was tired I didn't know what to do. "Am I gonna die?", "What will happen after this?", "Will I ever find a job?", and a lot of questions inside my mind and I would just try to imagine things that merely give me comfort or forget what I'm going through.

After the first half of my medications, I planted tomatoes, peppers, flowers inside cans filled with soil (we don't have a backyard, in case your wondering) so that I have the reason to wake up every morning and look over my "farm" if the plants made progress. Another half of my medication, I have drawn anime characters at the back of illustration boards so that I have things to do in a sunny afternoon-I used to draw anime characters when I was a child, so doing things I have long done before is quite refreshing.

I have learned a lot, the love of my parents have nourished me enough and the care of my friends eased the pain somehow. Most of all, I've learned the value of life, I've learned to appreciate even the smallest things I have never imagined I would appreciate. I learned how to symphatize with people that suffers from whether emotional stress or any disease they are undergoing, I've learned to pray to God more often than before-sometimes I find it weird when I talk to someone inside my mind, maybe I was talking to God.

Today is my last day of my medication, I'm happy and also worried because again I have to face the challenge of finding a job and also the fact that my medical issue might affect my "quest". But after what I have gone through and the valuable lessons I have acquired, I am still hopeful, hope is all I got and I know I will survive-I must.

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