Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Mystery of a Friend's Death

It’s been two months since the death of my friend Vincent John, but until now I could still feel his presence. Last night I had a dream of him; it was a weird dream knowing that the whole true story of his death is still a mystery.

I’ve known Vincent for quite awhile. He was my 2nd-year college classmate, I admit at first it was hard for us to cope up with each other because of our different personalities. We “almost” became rivals because of one girl and we had a “cold war” for almost three months I think. But we both love music and eventually the “cold war” ended unexpectedly because of some circumstances that got in the way. Ironically, neither of us got the girl, I fell in love with Jen and she became my girlfriend and she fell in love with one of our friends named Maybelle and of course they became lovers. And the girl we almost fought of (I won’t mention the name) got her bunch of suitors and until now I don’t know about her whereabouts (I just want to forget her anyway).

Everything was well after college (I took up a 2-year computer science course by the way) we were starting a new friendship, until one night we were horrified by a text message sent by one of his sisters (he’s the only boy of five siblings and yes, his also the fifth); the text message clearly said that Vincent drowned. I was totally shocked I didn’t know what to react I thought that it was only a joke. His girlfriend rushed to his house to confirm the text message and after a couple of hours I didn’t do anything but to wait for the cellphone to ring. And the awaited ring banged to my head, it was confirmed, Vincent was already dead along with our future plans. I couldn’t believe, it was so unexpected, I was so horrified.

Our friends and classmates couldn’t also believe of what happened and only one question all of them asked; “How did he die?”, no one could answer even his parents and siblings. The only one who knows is his bestfriend (I think his name is Dwight), but the story was so “wrapped-up” that his bestfriend’s parents tell the story contradicting the story of some other people who were there the day Vincent drowned in the river . They say that they weren’t able to see how Vincent struggled for his life that’s why they weren’t able to save him. But one says that when he was drowning no one helped him neither Dwight or his parents. But one thing’s for sure, the death of our friend was definitely their responsibility.

After his burial his girlfriend Maybelle dreamt of him, she said that Vincent was like trying to say that he’s still alive. Her dream shows Vincent lied down on maybe inside the funeral and suddenly he stood up and told her; “I feel cold”. Last night her dream was almost the same as mine, I saw him lying down with people around him and suddenly he sat up but it seems that no one could see him fully alive, on the next scene he was already on his coffin too big for him and he was wearing a black cloth (in his actual coffin, he was wearing white). It brought me the conclusion that maybe Vincent was trying to imply that something happened before he died, only one knows the whole story and that is Dwight-his bestfriend who until now doesn’t speak about his death.

I Think I'm The Laziest Writer

This blog serves as the container of my thoughts. I was a journalist in our school since I'm in elementary until highschool. I won awards and achievements but those days are over. Until now I still think that I'm the laziest writer. I had a chance to cage success but I let it slip because of my laziness. And somehow I found my salvation when I made this blog.

Life is made up of silly strings, these words coined in my mind when I was playing my guitar. The strings are pararelled and centimeters apart and yet when they are strummed by a skillful guitar player they will create a harmonious sound. Metaphorically, the strings are like life, we are connected to each other although sometimes we don't notice it, just like when I bumped into a stranger and eventually that stranger became my friend, I had a fight with a guy and found out that the guy was my uncle, crazy situations that sometimes we judge people only to find out that in the end some of those people will be the ones on our side. And I believe as you read some of my blogs somehow we are connected, we may not see each other but at least we have shared a moment that only us know, just try to remember we are like silly strings connected to each other, I think that's life and I know, as you read this, you're confuse of what I'm talking about but I hope somehow you will understand my point.

All the posts here are products of everything that would float inside my mind boggling mind. The blogs can be about different emotions that would embrace every human being, about the typical situations that a typical Filipino would encounter and lastly about hope-I have faced a lot of trials in my young life but I still believe in hope. Feel free to leave a comment on any blogs here, unfortunately I could not write blogs everyday because for the meanwhile I dont't have my own computer that's why some of my blogs are almost a novel long. I have created this blog to somehow I have found my purpose not in the real world but at least in the cyberworld.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Falling in love is weird

Today is my fifth month relationship with my girlfriend named Jenelyn (I call her Jen for short), and also her second day of working as a cashier in Toy Kingdom at SM North EDSA. I don’t know what happened to me but I got scared the first time she told me that the company already called her to work as a cashier.

Jen is my first girlfriend and I love her very much although her parents don’t allow her to have a boyfriend, that’s why our relationship is still a secret to my future “parents-in-law”. Maybe it’s the fear of losing her that really freaks me out; sometimes I got paranoid that she might fall in love with one of her co-workers. I have told her about my fear and she said that there’s nothing to worry about because she will never leave me.

I admit, I’m not totally convinced of what she said knowing that last night one of my friends came to me and told me that his girlfriend broke up with him because she fell in love with another guy. I didn’t show it but deep inside my heart almost swallowed me whole, I was so scared that it may also happen to me.

I trust Jen but I could not help myself thinking that one day she might fell out of love with me. Yesterday was her first day and I visited her secretly, outside the glass walls I watched her doing her responsibility as a cashier then suddenly a rush of blood to the head had got me. I saw her talking with one of her male co-worker, maybe its jealousy ‘cause my heart pumped so fast. She would laugh with her male co-workers and talk with them, I didn’t know what to do, and I just watched them.

This morning I found myself crying, I could not help it. At first, I was trying to stop it but suddenly I burst into tears. Maybe sooner or later I will need a psychologist; something unfamiliar is happening to me. Maybe it’s because it’s my first time to get into a relationship or maybe it’s natural, I don’t know but I don’t like this feeling anymore. I accompanied her to the vehicle waiting area and I really didn’t want to let her go.

I’m so confused, I don’t know what to do, I love her so much and I want to be with her forever but if ever she fell out of love with me or she fell in love with another guy, I have no choice but to let her go no matter how painful it is…

Contact Me

Just fill the form below to contact me. Expect me to read email and if you need me to reply unforunately I dont't own a computer that's why it may take me a while to read your email but I will read your email as soon as possible. Thank you for dropping by and have a nice day.