Saturday, July 14, 2007

Falling in love is weird

Today is my fifth month relationship with my girlfriend named Jenelyn (I call her Jen for short), and also her second day of working as a cashier in Toy Kingdom at SM North EDSA. I don’t know what happened to me but I got scared the first time she told me that the company already called her to work as a cashier.

Jen is my first girlfriend and I love her very much although her parents don’t allow her to have a boyfriend, that’s why our relationship is still a secret to my future “parents-in-law”. Maybe it’s the fear of losing her that really freaks me out; sometimes I got paranoid that she might fall in love with one of her co-workers. I have told her about my fear and she said that there’s nothing to worry about because she will never leave me.

I admit, I’m not totally convinced of what she said knowing that last night one of my friends came to me and told me that his girlfriend broke up with him because she fell in love with another guy. I didn’t show it but deep inside my heart almost swallowed me whole, I was so scared that it may also happen to me.

I trust Jen but I could not help myself thinking that one day she might fell out of love with me. Yesterday was her first day and I visited her secretly, outside the glass walls I watched her doing her responsibility as a cashier then suddenly a rush of blood to the head had got me. I saw her talking with one of her male co-worker, maybe its jealousy ‘cause my heart pumped so fast. She would laugh with her male co-workers and talk with them, I didn’t know what to do, and I just watched them.

This morning I found myself crying, I could not help it. At first, I was trying to stop it but suddenly I burst into tears. Maybe sooner or later I will need a psychologist; something unfamiliar is happening to me. Maybe it’s because it’s my first time to get into a relationship or maybe it’s natural, I don’t know but I don’t like this feeling anymore. I accompanied her to the vehicle waiting area and I really didn’t want to let her go.

I’m so confused, I don’t know what to do, I love her so much and I want to be with her forever but if ever she fell out of love with me or she fell in love with another guy, I have no choice but to let her go no matter how painful it is…

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